The Depression Blog

There are no words, there is no expression, and there is no way to convey or describe the deep and utter feeling of sadness, enveloping and all consuming sadness, that is this depression.

I long for something. I know that I need, but I have no idea what. I hide everything inside me. I am supposed to be strong. Strong for her, strong for my job. I can never show weakness. Not Allowed. I keep everything inside, but there’s only so much room.

I feel alone. Sad. So very, very sad, Sad enough that the thought of oblivion is a true comfort.

I have no God anymore. I have no sanctuary. To say I have nothing is untrue. To say I have what I need is untrue.

I don’t care though. I care about nothing and I care about everything. It won’t make sense to anyone who does not feel this way. To those that do, it makes all the sense in the world.

I hate what I’ve become. I hate being sore. I hate being alone. Alone in a house with someone who stares at a monitor every waking hour and calls it marriage. But god forbid I do anything about it. I sleep alone. I am alone. I hate feeling like an old man. I hate the utter emptiness that surrounds me.

Running won’t help. Staring it down won’t help. It shapes me. It taunts me. It knows me. It is me.

Emptiness, I feel hollow, broken, and alone.

My time is coming, our revels now are ended.

I so very much love my children. I do not want to die, but if death came for me I would not turn away.